I messaged my very clever Investment Banker cousin (who is now running his own financial PR consultancy) to tell him that I’m back on the writing market, so send me over stuff to do.
Okay, but first, a bit of history. He’d actually asked me if I wanted to help him out with writing and editing for his PR stuff. I’d said okay, one day after I’d left and was still feeling befuddled. Then he sent me over annual financial statements to edit and strike me down if I know what the hell an EBITDA is or a FY2012. I freaked out and told him, no no no, I can’t do this, bye bye.
But in my more recent fit of inspiration and believing that yes, hell yeah! I can be the next Lorraine Hahn, just you watch, I decided I’d text him to tell him I’m back on track! I can do anything! Send me over those little financial buggers and I’ll sort ’em out!
Suddenly, it seemed, he had this whole program planned out for me.
He’s even already printed me namecards to be a part of his team.
This morning, he asked me if I really was interested in learning this whole financial fuddle, and if I was he’d do some intensive training with me.
And this would mean that I would have to start waking up at 8am. He said he’d even call me in the mornings to wake me up. “It’s time to be human again”, said one of his texts.
I haven’t woken up at 8am since I was still in school. I think it’s rather inhumane to expect a writer to wake up that early and actually function.
What it is I’ll be doing at 8am every morning wasn’t really specified either, so I don’t really get it. Why does intensive training have to be in the morning? I can be intense any other time of the day too!
He means well though, Stanley does. He even said he didn’t see why I couldn’t be the next Lorraine Hahn (okay, maybe it was just a trick to make me wake up at 8am and edit his financial reviews but let’s stay optimistic – at least he’s giving me a leg up in what could potentially be a very lucrative Sophie Kinsella situation).
But we’ll start all this in a few days okay? Save a bit more time for another few lie-ins. Bloomberg can wait.