I’ve been over at my new place for about two weeks now and can I just say, I’m in such awe-ful awe of the people there. Never have I been in a room full of such talented, clever writers — I’ve never felt quite as much of a worm as I do there, but a happy worm, eyes all agog, ears all pricked up and listening to every morsel of cleverness that comes out of their immaculate handsome faces.
Of course, as it goes, I have found one particular boy to be in particular awe of. I just sit there all day looking at him, my eyes slightly crossed-eye from being so smitten. He has no idea who I am — but that’s to be expected as I am just a new wriggle of a worm. He’s probably just vaguely aware that there is now a body sitting at a desk where there didn’t use to be a body. Maybe he doesn’t even realise that, because he’s always so busy doing important, clever things.
I had a conversation about him with another girl a few days ago. We sat at our desks and whispered just quietly enough so nobody else could hear, about how much in awe we were of him. “He’s just amazing, isn’t he? He’s soooo clever”, we cooed. I didn’t think much of all this after that conversation. It wasn’t until a few days later that I realised that I’d sit straighter each time he walked past my desk and do something to fluff my hair just in case he’d catch my eye.
Idiot, I’d tell myself. He has no idea who you are.
And so I go back to doing whatever Very Important Work it is that I’m doing, hoping that within all the thousands of words that I’m typing, I shall one day strike up something so exceptionally brilliant, that he will finally know my name and say hello. Just one little hello — that would be enough!
For now, I shall settle for feeling that mild 16-year-old infatuation and wondrous awe that makes it that much easier to wake up at 6.45am each morning, even on a Monday, and head into the office.