In case any of you are wondering why this blog has become like a space for written, verbal diarrhea, I thought perhaps I should pen a little clarification.
For the first time in a long time, I’m able to blog as me – my voice, my thoughts, no matter how rambling, ranty and personal it may be. When you’re attached to a place, company, organisation, whatever, you have to automatically self-censor because whatever you say may somehow reflect badly on the Community At Large. For a long time, I’ve had to write as a concealed version of me, being careful to choose my words so that they not only conveyed a message I wanted to convey but also that it would Reflect Well…
… which pretty much meant that I was only writing about 20% of what I would have really liked to write and that whatever I did write never truly felt authentic. I wasn’t me. I was a version of me that The Organisation would have liked. Even my language, choice of words and tone on other platforms like Twitter and Facebook were controlled. I was told once that I “mustn’t make grand statements on Facebook”; I was told I should never complain, never express any personal thoughts, never reveal any hint that I was tired, frustrated or sad in any way. Facebook became a totally sterile, manufactured, mannequin, falsely happy version of myself so all I could update were my meals and news from The Organisation.
So you can imagine that being able to finally write as ME – Jamie Khoo – is like being let out of word jail. I’m enjoying that this is my personal space and I can do whatever I want in it. It’s fine even if nobody reads it except me. It’s fine even if whatever few readers I do have think that it’s all nonsense or too self-indulgent or incoherent and rambling.
This blog has also become a part of How To Put Your Life Back Together, a quiet little happy space that’s all mine, for me to just be me. For the first time in a very, very long time, I’m writing for me and this is when I feel truest to myself and my writing than I have ever felt.