A thank you to a lost love: an afterthought

IMG_20130621_230752I wanted you to know that in spite of that initial upset post I wrote (and I’ve removed this), I still just miss you so much. I’m not angry with you nor dislike you in any way. I’m just sad, missing you terribly and mostly, still trying to understand why things became the way they did.

Everything – all the beautiful things – still reminds me of you and I want you to know that as much as I am hurting now, I have nothing but happy, fond and joyous “memories of us” (oh, that song) and our time together, as brief as it may have seemed. You were right when you called them “amazing months” because that’s really what they were to me. I hadn’t been that happy and hopeful in a very, very long time.

I also want you to know that I still stand by everything I had written in this previous older post for and about you and in every letter I wrote to you. I am still always, always grateful to you for having been there and brought me so much strength and love at my darkest, most distressing hours. Thank you. I still carry in my heart all those hours I spent with you and each time, I feel all over again how piercingly sweet and wrapped up in joy it all was. I still feel it for all that it was, like it just happened this morning.

Whatever it became in the end, I cannot forget that you opened up my heart and you taught me to love again in the freest, most joyous and expansive way I have ever felt. I’ve never loved anyone like that before and I can confidently say that I’ve not ever been as happy with any other boy before. At a time when I was only angry, embittered and had built forts around my heart, you made me believe in love again. You helped me rediscover the possibilities of loving someone and brought me that unusual kind of happiness that you feel only when you’re in love with someone.

Thank you for this, for even if I have lost you now, you have given me that precious little gift of an open heart and a wonderful, bright, hopeful love I’ve not known before and which I will remember for a long, long while yet. So some people may gloat or say “I told you so” about us not working out, but I have not regretted it and I am grateful and glad for whatever time we did spend together. It’s a little like that saying – “It’s better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” I am glad to have loved you, than to have listened to the naysayers and not even tried.

I can only hope, in the smallest dose, that you might also still have good thoughts of me and our time together, and maybe, just maybe, feel some of what I still feel now. Please don’t forget me too easily or rub me away. Yes I have been upset (and a little part of me still hurts awfully in missing you), and I am sorry for the many reactions  I have had from being sad. But I do hope, like you said, that after all, we might still be good friends for a long time yet.

I wish you every last sparkle of happiness and love in the world. Please always stay as that loving, kind, strong person I have loved and remember you as; that boy who came so surprisingly, so joyfully into my life and taught me again that most important, wonderful, human, true lesson to love.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *