Okay, remember the last weight-in was shitty, right? Because of all that delightful PMS bloating? Well anyway, yes, it turns out that it really was PMS bloating and water retention because the next weight in went back on track. Whew.
Still, the results haven’t been fantastic. I realise now that after a month, my measurements are (eek) pretty much the same as when I started 5 weeks ago.
Then again, I must admit I haven’t been very good about this in the last 3 weeks or so – and like it or not, like every diet programme, TRA also requires some discipline and that special self-control that must be exercised from finishing an entire bag of crisps. I’m following all the proper schedules for eating (at least 4 hours in between meals), not snacking and taking all the supplements that you’re meant to. But see, I’ve been cheating all over the place with what I actually eat during mealtime.
First, I decided I would go into a funk again and hide in my bedroom for days (let’s not get into that), which automatically also means I lose my appetite. *
Okay, so it’s established that I didn’t eat for quite a few days. Well no, technically, I DID eat. In fact, the only thing getting me out of bed were the TRA meals and the meal replacement shake (so if nothing else, this programme is great for stopping you slipping completely into depression). But I’d just eat the bare tiny minimum, until I felt like throwing up, and then go back to bed. I certainly wasn’t following the right portions of what to eat – I’d just smack some butter on two odd ends of toast, eat only 1 1/2 and decide that would do as a meal.
Now that things are getting better and looking up again, I’ve gone right round the other way and am now eating with a vengeance. I haven’t (technically) broken the rules of the programme yet – but I have been creatively playing with the sizes of the actual portions of food that you’re supposed to eat at each meal. I’ll eat my meal (all measured out to the right portions, all balanced, all lovely), and then after that, I think, “Oh well, since this is still technically ‘one meal’ I can still eat during this time.” So I’ll also have some cheese and crackers. And a spoonful of cake. And then a couple of macaroons.
Or I justify the portions of food. I think, well I’m not having that much carb in this meal, so I’ll have a little extra mayonnaise. Which is why I’ve been eating egg-mayo toasts for breakfast.
Totally warped, unbalanced, ridiculous logic I know (says the former A* Food Science student).
Also, I haven’t been exercising. I’ve been a) lying in bed visualising it as a hole and wanting to perish in it out of sheer desolation or b) lying in bed watching DVDs to cheer myself up. That’s an awful lot of lying about instead of working off calories and building muscle on the cross-trainer.
Oh, there’s this other thing though. In spite of all that, I still look slimmer/fitter – and many people have been telling me this, not just me to myself in the mirror. In fact, some of them have even said I look “great” and that slinky Bebe dress looks fantastic now. So heck, whatever. I’ll eat what I want to – in moderation of course.
So I’m guessing (though I haven’t been weigh-in and measured yet) that my results for this coming week (end of week 7), will most likely be pretty much the same as it was when I first started. But heck, what was that I was saying about choosing health over thinness? Yessir, I stand by that – and as long as my fat percentages, visceral fat and BMI aren’t increasing, I still think I’m doing quite alright.
Just a bit of a bump in the road these few weeks – I’ll get back on track soon, promise. After that box of macaroons.
*An aside: Somebody once told me that I stopped eating just to get attention. For the record: NO, I really don’t do this for attention. When I’m in this mode, I don’t want any attention, full stop. I want to be left alone in the dark, all day every day and not have to see anyone. I just don’t want to eat. It makes me gag to even think about eating. In fact, it makes me gag to think about doing anything except sleep and stare at the ceiling in the dark. So no, again, I don’t do this for attention. Next time, please, think a bit before launching into all your “you are this” & “you are that” & “you feel like this and that” diatribes).