Why it pays to date a few big losers

I have been falling a bit in love with several boys all at once recently. And I have a theory about that, beyond the fact that I’m just slightly boy-crazy (or just crazy, full stop).

See, I’ve developed a little bit of a crush on this guy who I’ve known for ages but haven’t been in touch with for a long while. I’ve never fancied him, never thought much about him like that, until I met up again with him recently and realised that it was actually really fun hanging out with him.

Now we didn’t do anything more adventurous than drink and eat mamak food and talk. But see, here’s the thing: when you’ve dated losers for as long and as frequently as I have, then just having good, sound conversation with a guy is a whole new adventure unto itself.

This guy can spell my name! He’s graduated from university! He has a proper job in a proper organisation! He can offer to pay for dinner (and actually afford it)! He earns a steady salary — oh WOW! I can’t believe it! It couldn’t get better than this, could it? Oh but it could! He’s actually also able to hold a conversation, all the way through dinner!

It’s like waking up on Christmas morning and finding out that you got every present you asked Santa for.

You’ve got to understand that I’ve dated guys who I’d have to fork out gas money for when he left my house in the morning; guys who didn’t know how to spell the word “the”; guys who still hadn’t finished school, at an age when I’d already got my MA and started working; guys who didn’t read (either because they literally couldn’t or just didn’t want to — I don’t know what’s worse); guys who could sit through an entire dinner without saying one word because they just didn’t have anything interesting to talk about.

So, hanging out with this new guy  — as platonically as it might have been — marks some sort of tremendous progress. I was bowled over by his cleverness — or rather, just the fact that I could actually talk to him and enjoy it.

Forever henceforth, it shan’t take much to impress me — if you can maintain your own bank account, write a text message all by yourself, spell my name and come up with interesting dinner conversation all by your own wee brain, you’ll have me entranced for life.

This also explains why I’m so crushing on this one guy at work. He doesn’t even have to look in my general direction or speak to me to have me sitting there with my mouth agape in awe like an idiot. I think he could probably accomplish more in half an hour with his little finger than all those sad exes put together in a room for a day.

(And so, just the fact that he exists inspires me to sit there every morning thinking of every lovely adjective to describe him — oh, but he’s so affable, I gush to myself, so effortlessly clever, so debonair, so capable, so together, so suave, so smooth, so confident…. ohhh!)

And so, girls, a great tip for meeting great men: Date a few shitty, useless ones in between. It’ll make you appreciate handsome, clever goodness so much more when you come across it. It’ll also teach you gratitude and train you not to be quite so picky — because whoever else you meet thereafter, you’ll realise, couldn’t ever be as lousy as that time when…

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